Monday, December 31st 235/336

Happy New Year to all of you who have been such a great source of support while on My Hep C Adventure. 100 more days to do in 2008!

Sunday, December 30th 234/336

I got up at 9:00 and after walking around in a daze for 1/2 an hour I finally started to feel pretty good. Had my frappachino and then M and I went to Trader Joe’s and then Pier One and then to the apple computer store.

I gave my daughter an ipod nano for Christmas and when she tried to make it work, it said that her computer would need a new operating system which costs as much as the ipod nano. When I went to the store they said that the system requirements were listed on the side of the box and that I should have known that it wouldn’t work. I feel very bent over behind this. Typical Apple.

When we got home, I took the dog for our walk to the river and he was a very bad dog. He found a pile of turkey poop and proceeded to roll in it until it was all over him. It was very ugly. M drove to the park and wrapped him in a towel and then took him home for a bath. He was a very bad boy.

Things were good until 5:00 and then I was hit by a fatigue attack. I took a nap for an hour and then had dinner, took my pills, and then watched a couple of shows. The 30’s(tx weeks) have been terrible. I’m looking forward to the fabulous 40’s which will take me to the end of this. This tx takes longer and longer as I get further into it. All is well and bye for now.

Saturday, December 29th 233/336

Today seems to be a day where I never was never able to fully wake up. That’s par for for a Saturday as the Interferon takes a second whack at you 40-48 hours after the injection. I had to take 2, two hour naps. I’m starting to feel the same as Bill Murray did in Ground Hog Day. The tx beats you down as time goes by. The first 24 weeks were doable, but the second 24 weeks are a bear. I hope I cure, but if I don’t, I won’t be doing this again until new cures arrive with shorter tx times. 72 weeks is totally out of the question. I’m a 2/2 fibrosis after 38 years and I drank very heavily for many years. At 60 years old, I won’t need to treat again. Thank goodness for my sobriety.

I never made it out of the house. M is exhausting me in a good way. I get the headache. All is well and bye for now.

Friday, December 28th 232/336

The Very Sad Story of Sven and his Girlfriend

Some blogs ago I wrote about my friend Sven. Sven’s home for the last 10 years has been a tent. He is from East Germany and travels on a German passport. For the last 10 years he has been all over the world on 10 dollars a day. He works the summer for 2 or 3 months in Italy and then travels the world for the next 9 or 10 months. He is street wise and 3rd world wise. Last year, while traveling in India, he met a very nice Polish woman(another Magda) and they really hit it off. Sven’s Magda has been studying to be a physical therapist in the states. Sven has not been one to stay in one place for too long. He and his girlfriend have gone their separate ways 3 times as she doesn’t want to travel the world anymore. They split up again on December 18th and Sven said he was off to see the world again. Magda was crushed and felt abandoned.

Sven went to Guatamala and pitched his new tent on the beach in Belize. He went for a short walk and took a nap, and when he awoke, his tent had been stolen. This is like one of us having their house repossessed. He called Magda two days later and said how much he missed her and told her he loved her and that he wanted to be with her and he was flying back to SF. She was thrilled. He was going to fly in tonight.


He went swimming in the ocean a few days after his tent went missing. When he came out of the ocean, he hung his pants on a tree to dry. He dozed off and someone stole his pants, what’s up with these people? What’s up with Sven? This is not expected from one who spent a year hitch hiking through Africa.

Time to start toward the airport for the flight home to his love. He had a long bus ride to the airport and he put his backpack under his seat. When he went to get off the bus, his back pack was gone. Everything was missing, passport, travelers checks, clothes, everything. He made it to the German Embassy and they gave him the bad news. He could only return to Germany where it would take 6 weeks to get a new passport to use to return to the US to see his Magda. They are both feeling as if the world doesn’t want them to be together. They are devastated.

Sven and the other Magda

Thursday, December 27th 231/336 Shot #34

My daughter and my grandsons came yesterday and spent the night. M and the boys had a cookie baking lesson and they all really enjoyed it. M is 31 and the boys call her grandma, it’s hilarious. This morning we all went for the walk to the river and we all got to talk to each other. We really enjoy when they come and visit and we all have a great time. They went home about 2 today.

I caught a break today and my insanity is gone for the time being. This will probably change before too long as I just took shot # 34 and the interferon tends to whack me out Saturday to Wednesday.

I spoke with my nurse and I’m being referred for behavior evaluation. She asked me what my symptoms were and I said that I was saying things that I didn’t want to say. She asked me “like what”, and I said, “well, I told my girlfriend fuck you”. She said, “OK, I see”. I went on to mention that after that I drove to SF and holed up alone in the loft on Christmas eve. To my surprise she said, “I should have gone with you!” She asked me if I was having suicidal or homicidal thoughts and she ended the question with, "now answer this question very carefully" I said, "no". At any rate, I’m on track to be evaluated and hopefully repaired. All is well and bye for now.

Wednesday, December 26th 230/336

M and I had a fabulous make up and it seems as though I’m back to putting my foot in my mouth again. I am seriously considering tapping my mouth shut as I can’t control what comes out, at all. I called my treatment team and they haven’t called me back yet. Tomorrow is research day and hopefully they will respond. I am not a danger to myself but I am saying things that are zooming into my head without filtering the content. The prozac crapped out at 5 months, we doubled it, and now, five more months later, it has crapped out on me again. Time for a change as I still have a ways to go. A huge thank you to all of you who are cognizant spectators as you see a lot of things that I don’t. Bye for now.

Tuesday, December 25th 229/336

Here it is Christmas day and things are looking up. Several friends and acquaintances have let it be known that I am losing it. What they don’t understand is that they won’t get any argument from me. I know it better than they do. Saint M came to my rescue this morning and drove me home, I don’t know how she puts up with me. I think I need to go into med psych next week and see about changing my meds as things are messed up in my head. The second 24 weeks have been really challenging as I am getting sicker and nuttier by the day. We have a dozen people coming in 1/2 and hour, so I’ll wish everyone well and thank you to all who have stayed by my side through My Hep C Adventure. And yes, we are working on getting M to reconsider writing her blog.

Monday, December 24th 228/336

I drove to SF last night and went to bed at 6:30 and then stayed in bed most of the day as I felt sick. It’s peaceful here and quiet and away from the insanity.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Sunday, December 23rd 227/336

227 days of Sick, sick, sick, day after day, week after week, month after month. I’m in the 9th round of a 12 round championship fight. Punches have been landing and I’m getting very tired of this battle I’m in. I’ll make it to the final bell and 3 months post tx the referees will declare a winner. In the mean time I choose to go it alone as I’m feeling some very hard punches coming in from outside of the ring. I have to defend myself and I need to cover up to fend off the blows. This process is very hard on a relationship and many don’t survive tx……. I guess it's that time of year again!

Saturday, December 22nd 226/336

Today I was wiped out until 11:00 and then Peg and Riba went away and I caught a good day…finally! M brought me frapachino and then we went shopping for Christmas food at Whole Foods, aka whole paycheck. I sat outside with the dog on my lap and it seems that I met about 1/2 the women in Carmichael. My dog Billy is a chick magnet. M and I went home and then I took the dog for our walk to the river. When we arrived home I had received a bouquet from my property management company in Oklahoma City. I can’t help but wonder who paid for it. Ok, I’ll stop with the cynicism. I tried to book a trip on AA Business class for M and I using miles to India next October. Guess what? One or more classes of service is not available. I wonder which one it is? I’ll bet it’s Chicago to Delhi. Tomorrow I’ll try Delta. All is well and bye for now.

My drug of choice

Friday, December 21st 225/336

I felt better today and I got up at 8:00 and M and I drove downtown and and we had breakfast at Barnardo’s. I had a Belgium waffle and it was OK but I’m not used to eating so much. I think my stomach has shrunk and that is a very good thing. After that we went to Peet’s and got our coffee fix, I was so full that I could hardly drink it.. We went home and then I took the dog on our walk to the river and then we came home. I got hit with an exhaustion attack and was down and out for 3 hours where I could hardly move, never a dull moment on tx. I think the Prozac is back on line.

The Christmas madness continues. M had old friends call her and they agreed to meet at their house this afternoon. When she got there, they were home, but they wouldn’t answer the door. She came home very upset and I can’t say as I blame her, it was mean and rude and unnecessary. Something really gets people acting strange at this time of the year.

My friend J has da’ Hepsie and 2 years ago he was a one liver damage wise. He had a fibroscan and came back as a four(not good). Seems really strange that the damage progressed so much in such a short time. Fibroscans have a high rate of false/positive readings as they can be influenced by a number of medicines and supplements. He has a biopsy next month and that should tell the tale. I wish him the best as no one needs to do this torture. All is well and bye for now

Thursday, December 20th 224/336 Shot #33

I could not get out of bed this morning. M brought me coffee and dressed me and got me started around 10:00. Why is this happening?

Here’s why. To date I have ingested this huge amount of poison.

33 150mcg/.5ml syringes of PegIntron Interferon
1568 200mg Rebetol, aka Ribaviren
448 20 mg Prozac
200 500mg Tylenol
296 15mg Terazapam
224 Acyclovir
224 Prinzide
224 Tenormin
120 Antibiotics
448 I Flora
One Antibiotic IV
Two Abcess operations

Is it any wonder!!!! I feel like a walking pharmacy

Today I’m feeling a little better. Off to the river. All is well and bye for now.

Wednesday, December 19th 223/336

I slept forever and awoke at 10:30. This week has really been a pisser sides wise. This now rates as bad week #6. I’m going to try to focus on the positive as it does me no good to whine. I’m not sure the prozac is still working as it may have crapped out on me. I don’t have that much further to go so I’m just going to keep on keeping on. Knowing the virus has been killed is a nice reward as is knowing that I’m an early responder, so few people are. M and I are starting to plan our trip to India for next fall and it should be fun. I’m tired of winter and I can’t wait for spring when I am finished with my treatment. I hasn’t been easy but it has made me stronger and it’s given me a new appreciation for good health. I shaved my head again and I really screwed it up so I had to do it twice.
M and I and the dog walked to the river and back and then I just came home and rested. If my writing seems disjointed it is only a symptom of my fragmented mind. I read about a psychiatrist who tx’d and he checked himself into a nut ward at week 44 as he claimed to have lost his mind. I have 16 weeks to go and the tx is really staring to beat me down. Tomorrow is shot #33 and I hope it agrees with me. This week has not been fun. All is well and bye for now.

Tuesday, December 18th 222/336

Today is 222. Remember “Welcome Back Cotter” which led to “Room 222”. Well, today I’m in room 222 of 336. M and I went and finished our Christmas shopping. I picked up Starbuck’s gift cards for my medical team.

We have this inside joke between us "all work and no play makes Terry a dull boy." I have observed that when I get in one of my "moods" compliments of Riba and Peg, I have an evil little twinkle in my eye like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining”: ) Went to finish our Christmas shopping, we bought each other a present, M bought me a pair of Ray Bans, since she broke mine, trying to hug me, after I threatened to quit my treatment last week, (that was the distress in our household blog). And I got her Italian loafers. We are done Christmas shopping, besides a few chocolates for our neighbors we have to pick up tomorrow. All is well and bye for now.

Here's Johnny!

Monday, December 17th 221/336

I slept well and I woke up feeling groovy. These drugs have a mind of their own and they do as they please, when they please. About this time in tx you begin to doubt your sanity and you wonder if you’ll ever be the same again. My friend Derek told me at the start that “this stuff really fucks with your head”. Truer words were never spoken. I can handle the physical sides but the mental ones are another story. Confusion, brain fog and chemo brain make one wonder who you are and why you’re doing this at age 60. I hope it works as I don’t want to feel this way again. If you can do this, there isn’t much that you can’t accomplish. All is well and bye for now.

Sunday, December 16th 220/336

Today was what is known as a VBD, very bad day. I have been really sick and tired and I could hardly move. I rested/slept almost all day. Hopefully tomorrow is better. All is well and by for now.

Saturday, December 15th 219/336

And the beat goes on! The last 2 nights have been light sleep as I may be resistant to the sleeping pills. I woke up in a fog and stumbled up to Starbuck’s to have coffee with David. We visited for an hour and then I hit the Bay Bridge and got on 80 for the 100 mile drive home to Carmichael. Why they let you drive on this stuff is beyond me. I don’t remember much about the drive and I must have been on auto pilot. When I got home I got sick and I slept for 3 hours on the couch. Saturdays seem to be the bad day of the week, week after week. I spent the rest of the day taking it easy and hopefully, tomorrow I'll be back in the swing of things. All is well and bye for now.

The Ralph Lauren Building, 72nd Street @ Madison Avenue, Upper East side, Manhattan

Friday, December 14th 218/336

I had some post injection reactions through the night. Two sleeping pills and sleep was still light. I got up at 10:30 and went to Starbuck’s and then I drove to Chow for lunch with Mike, Pete and Jesse, I really like those guys and they are life long friends. As I’ve said before, when you decide to tx you find out who your friends are before too long. After lunch I drove Downtown and went to the Westfield Center to buy some sunglasses as mine have broken once again. I got chemo sick and my brain froze and I decided that I need M’s help in this matter. Other things too. <(I know that’s not a sentence). I went home and crawled in bed for a few hours and got up and cancelled my dinner with Ann as I didn’t feel too good. Today I ordered a man’s necklace that I saw in NYC. It has a small skull and a feather and it’s on a black leather strap. M says that I’ve totally lost it. Well, I don’t work, the kids are long gone and I don’t have money problems so I can be who I want and act as I please. It feels good to be free. All is well and bye for now.

What is that?

Thursday, December 13th 217/336 Shot #32

I had a very busy day yesterday. I visited with my step daughter and my beautiful grand daughter. It was a nice visit and her and I had closure on the divorce and I can tell that she is beyond judgment or blame. Amen. I did so much yesterday that I went to sleep at 9:00 and got up at 10:30. Wow, what a slug! Room and Board delivered the chair and it fits in nicely. My cell phone won’t hold a charge so I have to get a new battery.

2/3’s finished and looking back I can’t remember when I wasn’t on tx. Your body and mind adjust to the tx but the insanity and irritability remain. A woman on tx once said that it’s like PMS cubed. With me, it comes and goes. At 2/3 of the way through, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Soon, this will be over and I can hold my head up high and say I made it, thanks to M and the vast support group I have developed on the internet. All is well and bye for now.

My Hero!

Wednesday, December 12th 216/336

It seems my insanity has passed for now. It’s ironic that Krishna chanting is supposed to be the path to enlightenment but it un-enlightened me to the point of being irrational, not unlike Chinese water torture, it sent me over to the dark side. Not a healthy place, to say the least. I’ve been over to the dark side 3 times since I started for a total of about 5 day and you don’t want to go there. I wonder what I would be like without the Prozac? Oh well, so much for side effects, now, on to the positive.

Woke up today feeling groovy with no problems. I’m off to SF at 1:30 to see my step daughter and my grand daughter. Tomorrow I take delivery on a new chair from room and board for the loft and then on Friday I have lunch with Mike. Sven and Magda are staying at the loft until the 18th and then it seems they will be going their separate ways. Sven isn’t comfortable in the US so it’s bye, bye baby. Masako may be coming too but I’m not sure. I’m going to try to see Ann & David while I’m there and I’ll return on Saturday. All is well and bye for now.

My brother's family and me

Tuesday, December 11th 215/336

Today’s blog will detail the fine art of fighting with a caregiver when one is on tx.

For the caregiver:

Tread softly, once it gets started, the interferon will win, even if it loses, it thinks it’s won. The interferon gives the hepsie fighter great strength. The drug assumes the role of professional assassin, has no conscience, and doesn’t follow the rule of logic. You aren’t fighting with the other person, you’ll be fighting with the interferon and you will know you’ve been in a fight. As Mr T from the A Team used to say, “I pity the fool”

For the Hepsie:

Here’s some tricks. The caregiver will be at a disadvantage, they will think they are fighting with you but they will be overwhelmed by the bold moves used by the interferon. They won’t understand this new ability that you have due to your meds. To end the fight, wait until the next day and stay in bed and stop eating, this will make you sicker and you will look and feel bad. Now for the secret weapon, refuse to take your pills because you’re going to stop treatment as it is clearly making you insane. This should do get you out of the dog house rather quickly and a lasting peace shall follow. All is well and bye for now.

Monday, December 10th 214/336

Today's post is canceled due to domestic unrest. @!#$^&$#*&%$#@

You can't live with them and you can't shoot them!

Sunday, December 9th 213/336

Today I’m having one of those days where my grip on reality is tenuous. What’s real and what’s not? The holidays are always a little confusing for me as everyone seems to get so stressed out over money and diminished expectations. M started things off with a bang by stating that I was not to sign her name to the Christmas card that I was sending to my step-daughter and her husband; merry Christmas to you too!. The night before, M’s friend stayed the night and she paced around the house mumbling Hari Krishna for hours, totally oblivious to the effects it was having on any one else’s well being. At one point she stuck her face in the crack in our front door and mumbled Hari Krishna for another hour. She got up in the morning and didn’t pick up after herself and off she went. Her behavior sent me off the reservation and the interferon is playing tricks with my perception of reality. Is it OK to allow a brainwashed cult member to take over my house? I think not, but I can’t be sure because of the insanity of the meds. Stay tuned for more Christmas cheer on the wonder drug interferon. All is well and bye for now.

Saturday, December 8th 212/336

Today we got our tree.

Friday, December 7th 211/336

Woke up tired so I went back to bed at 10:00 and got up, feeling groovy, at 12:30. Starbucks, walked the dog to the river and then came home. I spent the afternoon catching up on bills. My sponsee child in Haiti sent me a drawing so I spent a couple hours making her one and sent it to her along with a little present. M and I went to Whole Foods and did the week’s shopping and tomorrow we will by and decorate our Christmas tree. Ho, Ho, Ho!

Today I got my paycheck from Kaiser for my partcipation in the Scherring Plough study. So far I'm up to $250.00. What a change for health care, they pay you to be sick,

Magda’s teacher forgot that that she excused M for our trip to NYC. Forgot about the note we gave her and said we have to write another one as she was going to flunk her. To make matters worse she only gave her 20 minutes for the make up test. What a creep! I have felt good today so I’ll take it where I can get it. All is well and bye for now.

Greece 2002

Thursday, December 6th 210/336 Shot #31

210 days into treatment and today I feel as though it never happened. I have had 4 great days in a row where I haven’t been tired or sick. Peg and Riba must really enjoy getting out of town. We had a really fun trip and I caught a big break the last few days. Went to bed at 11:00 and got up at 5:45 and I wasn’t tired at all. Strange brew interferon and Rebetol. Today, I am very optimistic about having the perseverance to endure another 126 days. I take my 31st shot tonight so all this will probably change tomorrow. I think that meeting with my hepsie buddies has reenergized me. It’s so great to know that there are people I can lean on who have finished and new hepsies who I can show the way. The waiting is the worst part and there are some bad times but all in all it’s been much easier than I had anticipated. And, the virus is undectable.

The flight left on time and we arrived at 12:20pm. We grabbed a cab to my loft, picked up my truck and beat it up to Carmichael to our house in the trees by the river. I did my shot with my left hand while riding in the car as I needed a thrill, isn’t it that sad that it’s come to that. I was so happy to see my dog; he’s like my kid. Unpack, bath, and bed. All is well and bye for now.

Wednesday, December 5th 209/336

Either he cold weather agrees with my treatment or I’m having a very good week. I have had very few sx’s the last 2 days, except for a little “Rain Man” brain fog; thank you Magda Van Brunt. I feel like I should stay another week, rather than going home tomorrow. The car will pick us up at 6:45 for an 8:45 flight out of JFK to SFO. We drive from SFO to Carmichael so M can make it to her 6:00 class. Big ass day for the kid tomorrow!

Woke up feeling hell’a groovy. Starbuck’s then M and I went to Rockerfeller Center to see the Christmas decorations and they were Fabu. I took the F train to Brooklyn and had lunch with my past workmate Myrel Glick. She was so kind, she said that none of my agents ever knew what a good thing they had going working for me until they worked for someone else. She said they all it realize now. She thanked me for so many years of an enjoyable environment. She really touched my heart. We had sushi lunch and she has sold 13 properties in a year. She is very good and works hard. Took the subway home and then M and I went to Blossom restaurant for dinner. M approved and we had a great time living the New York life style for a few days. All is well and bye NYC for now.

Self Portrait, 1976

Monday, December 4th 208/336

I slept for 12 hours and I feel much better today, no real sides to speak off. We took the subway to Soho and got a lot of our Christmas shopping done. Took the subway uptown and we got an express. We couldn’t get off until we were in Queens. Got off and walked across the tracks and got back on the Downtown train and got off at 53rd. We went to a Restaurant named Tao, a real see and be seen place. M hated her food so much she almost cried. $80.00 out the window. We next went to the apple store and bought some itunes gift cards. M was still hungry so we had to go back to the “never again” Candle Café. They did better this time and M was happy with the “way the food tasted on my tongue” We took a cab home and I took a little rest. M is very bored so she is coloring her hair auburn. I had a good day today, almost like the old days. The cold weather energizes me and offsets the fatigue. Tomorrow it’s off to Brooklyn to have lunch with my ole buddy Myrel Glick. All is well and bye for now.

Christina and Lamisse, my step daughters, Maui, 1998

Monday, December 3rd 207/336

I really overdid it yesterday and I paid the price today. I woke up early and out of it. All the activity and the time change and the flight left me tired and brain fogged. We went to lunch at a great little Japanese restaurant and then M and I went to Loman’s and C21 for shoes. None caught her eye. Tomorrow it’s off to Soho. We took the train to Catham, New Jersey to see my brother and his family. While we were in the station M decided that she saw a similarity between my “brain fog” behavior and that of the character played by Dustin Hoffman in “Rain man”. Ha ha, what a wit. The visit and dinner in NJ was fun and then we caught the train home at 9:00. We had another little incident at the Penn station. The conductor announced the end of the line and said for all to get off. Me and everyone else got off the train except for M. I waited and waited for her on the platform but she was not to be found. I figured that she must have taken the other door and that she would be upstairs waiting, not! I got a phone call and asked her where she was. She said that she was still on the train and the shift was changing. I screamed, “Get off the fucking train”. “But why, where are you?” Again, “Get off the fucking train, you’re going back to New Jersey, come upstairs”. She said, “I’m not doing anything until you come and get me.” “Come to the sidewalk, I don’t know where you are”. She said, “this is the last time I travel with you on this medication”. Oh yeah, “at least I had enough sense to get off the fucking train!” You can imagine the rest, “Chemo Brain” and “Polish” jokes were exchanged. Abandonment was also mentioned as one of my less admirable qualities. I can’t wait for this day to end and to go to sleep for 12 hours. All is well and bye for now

Iris(cured), TL(30 weeks undetectable) M & Jim(Non Hepsies) Laurie(starts soon) Teah(took last shot, #72 Saturday, 60 weeks undetectable)

Sunday, December 2nd 206/336

What a wonderful day. Got up early and walked to Starbuck’s while it was lightly snowing. Our friends called and we had lunch at a place in the lower village. New York to the max. Iris braved a four hour bus ride from Baltimore at 6:30min the morning. Teah and her twin sister took the subway from Brooklyn and Jim and Laurie drove in from Pennsylvania. It was nice to actually have face time with my internet hepsies after a year of blogging, emails and forums. After lunch we went to the Metropolitan Museum and mostly got to know each other. I love them all. M and Jim, the non hepsies, shared their experiences as caregivers. Laurie starts soon and she has nothing to worry about with Jim at her side. We all went our separate ways and M and I went to our favorite restaurant for dinner, the Candle Café. M was disappointed with the food and says she’s done, we’ll see about that. After dinner we went and saw “No Country For Old Men”. We both liked it. Tomorrow it’s shoe shopping for M and she says she’s going to buy 4 pairs, she’ll be lucky to find 1. At 4:00, we take the train to New Jersey to have dinner with my brother and his wife and my niece and nephew, very sweet kids. All is well and bye for now.

The Metropolitan Museum

Saturday, December 1st, 205/336

I had to wake up early today as it’s a fly day. M wanted me to go with her to Peet’s for coffee but I held my ground. I had to play the “I’m going to cry card” and, strange as it seems, it worked and off to Peet’s she went. This trip is going to be a lot of fun. We each bought new cold weather coats online from Paragon Sports in NYC. They are very warm and very light weight. Our friend David owns a limo company in SF and he complimented us a ride to SFO, We got free 1st class tickets from miles and we trade our loft in SF for Nigel’s loft in NYC. It’s big and funky and the price is right.

I was questioned about my peg-intron syringe at security. I said that I had sharps and he asked “What’s that?” I just said I was on chemo and I needed it. He put it through the scanner 4 times, called his super and then asked me what was around it. I said, a box and an ice pack. Off I went,

The pilot was a real stickler with the seat belt sign and I had to chance an arrest to use the rest room, The crew was understanding and I got away with my infraction. We arrive at 7:30, take the cab to the loft, and then settle in. I like flying and I don’t feel any worse from my tx. Like I told my GP, Mary Pat Pauly, I can be tired on the couch or on a plane or in NYC, it doesn’t matter where I am, I’m still going to be tired so I have decided to power through and make the best of it. Tomorrow is the Hepsie lunch and it should be a lot of fun. We’re meeting with Tea Star Witch, who takes her 72nd and last shot tonight, Uncertain, who has treated and is now cured, and Laurie, who takes her first jab next week; I’m in for 30 weeks out of 48. I’d rather not do this but there is a lot of data out showing age 65 as the age when the Hepsie really takes over and destroys one’s liver. I guess that’s why my other GP said I had 4 or 5 years before I got in trouble. Let’s hope it woks, so far, so good, I think I’m around 65% for a permanent cure based on my EVR(early viral response) at 8 weeks. That’s up from 45% at the start. All is well and bye for now.


Battery Park, Lower Manhattan, 1998

Friday, November 30th 204/336

For the 1st time in my treatment, I had a reaction to my injection last night. I started shivering in the middle of the night and I woke up with chemo brain. Starbuck's, dog to the river for our daily 2 mile walk. Tonight, we're off to SF as our flight leaves for NYC out of SFO at 11:30 on Saturday. Sunday is the Hepsie lunch, Monday is off on the train to Chatham, New Jersey to see my brother and his family. Tuseday is a free day except for dinner at M's favorite restaurant. Wednesday, I take the Subway to have lunch with Myrel Glick, we used to work together before she moved back to Brooklyn. Only 132 more days of tx. All is well and bye for now.

The view out our office window

Thursday, November 29th 203/336 Shot #30

Today I got up at 7:30 and got ready to see my scherring-Plough study doctor at Kaiser at 9:30. When I got there I asked my nurse if I could take my shot through the airport security. She quickly said, tell'em you got da hepsie and you'll be surprised at how quickly they get you on the airplane". Stupid me, I asked, "What's da hepsie?" She kept saying it and I still didn't understand. "Tell them you have Hep C and they won't even talk to you because they're afraid you'll give it to them". Oh, I get it, I got da hepsie, duh!

M and I have been together for going on 7 years. When we met, she was 24, and now she's almost 32. She has evolved into a woman over the years and now she's evolving into an analyst and guess who her patient is? yes, that's right, me! She is analyzing my 59 year old ass to death. So many questions about my childhood. I hated my parents, my father was an abusive, absentee alcoholic. My mother tried her best but she was a prescription drug addict who was a nurse in a practice with 3 surgeons. She was lacking in parenting skills to say the least. Add this too, they didn't like each other, and you come up a little short in childhood. So what do you want to know again?

When I went to the park today, a commercial came on the radio and it had a barking dog in it. My dog Billy went nuts looking for it, I almost crashed. Oh well, people should have their drivers license suspended when they're on this crap.

24 week test results

Viral Load=undectectable >30
Hgb=12.7
Wbc=2.48
Plats=190

All is well and bye for now

Sigmund Freud

Wednesday, November 28th 202/336

Talk about one day at a time. Living through tx is very similar to getting sober, which I did 15 years ago, I'm surprised I even have a liver, given the 30 years of abuse it experienced. Every day is a challenge. Last night I had the weirdest dreams, I kept running into people I know and all I would say is that "I couldn't wait to go home and go to bed as I was so tired". Well I guess that pretty well describes the fatigue portion of my treatment. It's so pervasive that it has embedded itself in my sub-conscience. Because I spent the night dreaming about how tired I was, I didn't get out of bed until 11:30. The dog started looking at me and whining at 10:00. The cat started to meow and rub her whiskers in my face. Under the covers I went, no use, the dog would let out a measured bark every 5 minutes. That didn't end it, M came home from school, went and got me a Frappachino at Starbuck's, handed it to me, and said to get up and walk the dog to the river. I told her to do it as I didn't think I was going to make it out the door today, wrong!. She gently removed my blankets, that didn't matter until she forced me to put on a sweater. She's as tall as I am and twice as strong so it was off to the river once again. The dog was happy as was I. The rest of the day was ho hum, just like yesterday and tomorrow except that I go to the study doctor at 9:30 tomorrow and I take shot #30. That's life in the slow lane, all is well and bye for now.

Off to the Big Apple on Saturday, 5th & 57th, 1998

Tuesday, November 27th 201/336

Today I had enough energy to do the usual and then I took my truck to Jiffy Lube for overdo service. This brought up many questions which taxed my brain. Too many decisions on interferon runs one down. As strange as it seems, my trip to Jiffy Lube exhausted me. Should I spend the money on a truck with 70,000 miles or should I sell it and buy a new one. Yes the oil needs changing but do I need to change the transmission fluid and the fuel filter for $160.00? How much is true and how much is real and how much is up sell? I used to run a company with 50 people working for me and decisions were sound and they came fast. Now, decisions on tx are a challenge. Even something as mundane as Jiffy Lube is a challenge for me. The interferon is a window into what it will be like when I'm in my 80's, kind of an unwanted sneak preview. I can't wait to be finished but I still have so far to go. OK, go with the flow, it's only money, do the extras. I started to get chemo sick and I couldn't believe how long they took to do the work. I went home and was sick for 2 hours and then I ate dinner and bathed and I felt better. I don't know how people work a 40 hour week on this crap. All is well and bye for now.

The Lucci's, 1968

Monday, November 26th 200/336

Great day today, I almost felt normal. I awoke at 7:30, had breakfast and then went back to sleep until 10:45. M's teacher excused her for our trip to NYC based on her condition of employment with "Terry Lee Investments", a totally non existent entity. Whatever works is what I always say. Today is 200 days, I glad I've made this far without too much trouble. My virus is undectectable and my bloods are OK. I'm coping well enough with the sides so I have a lot to be thankful for. I have made many friends in cyber space and they have been invaluable on my journey. M and I are headed to NYC on Saturday to meet Iris, Laurie, Jim, and Tea and I think it's great. We have all helped each other in our own way.

I got a half a dozen things done today that I have been avoiding due to brain fog. E mail question to CPA about depreciation, bought a chair on line at Room and Board for the loft, like that.

Terry Van Brunt, aka TVB, aka M's ex husband, is off to Thailand in January to bulid a house on his land in Koh Samui. Our friend Sven, lives on $10.00 a day and calls a tent home, came over last night and TVB is trying to get Sven to come to Thailand to help build the house. Maybe UC can send her future ex so he gets out of her hair, just kidding. I am toying with the idea of going to see him in March to break up the end of tx, I wonder if he will have a refer for my syringes, stay tuned. All is well and bye for now

Bumper Cars, Santa Cruz, 1979

Sunday, Novemeber 25th 199/336

Well, tomorrow will be 200 days into tx. As Jerry Garcia once said, "What a long strange trip it's been!" Thanks Jerry, you are partially at fault here. It's a wonder any of us are still alive after all the misbehaving we did. Of all the people I hung with during the summer of love in SF, we all have the Hep C, except for those who are already dead from cirrosis or liver cancer. The ones I know of, Bob Alacia (AKA the Snake), Skip Chambers, Albert Patane, and Sal Sabella (killed in a shoot out with the police). And then there's the suicides, Tom Balestrieri, Nick Paolini, Brad Paulsen, Roy Buell, and my dear friend Jimmy Plaja. I'll let the dead rest in peace.

Those were very hard times, our government was trying to kill us by drafting us and sending us to Viet Nam. We would all get incredibly fucked up before we went to the draft board. That worked for awile and then they drafted me anyway. I told them I wasn't interested and they let me off.

Oh well, enough about how I find my self 199 days into tx. Starbuck's, dog to the river, 3 hour nap, bath, dinner, empty the dihwasher (my permanent job), Sven and Magda over for a visit. Anti biotics are kicking my ass, when they should be saving my ass. All is well and by for now.

Jerry Garcia

Saturday, November 24th 198/336

We got up early today and went to Peet's, and then on to the Bridge and home to Carmichael. I sat in the back seat with the dog and we maid ourselves a little bed and we laid down and had a nice ride home. I love going to SF and I love coming home to Carmichael. I run myself ragged in SF and then I recuperate in Carmichael. When the loft was for sale, the stagers took the electronics out of the downstairs and when we took it off the market, we left it that way. Low and behold, Magda now loves the loft as we spend intimate time together deep in discussions about the world and the things in it. It was as simple as that. You ladies never cease to amaze us men. Yeah, I know it goes both ways, I have a friend and she talks about men like this, "You can't live with them and you can't shoot them!"

I started my anti-biotics when I got home and we'll see how it goes. My regular doc is on vacation so I'll go into my Hep C study doc and see what she says. I got chemo brian this afternoon, always happens on Saturday but now I'm OK. Tomorrow, one of M's school mates is coming to visit to talk to me about her options involving Hep C. At this point, I feel comfortable discussing her situation as I'm very well versed on the subject. All is well an by for now.

My cat climbed into the bath tub with me this afternoon

Friday, November 23rd 197/336

Yesterday was a lot of fun. We all went to Millenium vegetarian restaurant and it was Fabu! My wallet is $500.00 lighter but I feel it was worth it. My grandsons, 10 & 12, were so well behaved. My shot went well, last night was a little restless but I woke up at 9:30 and I feel good. Today, TVB and I are going to MOMA, maybe the movies and dinner at Saha with David, Ann, TVB, MVB, me, and maybe Jesse Fowler. MOMA always seems to make me sick with Chemo brain, I don't know why. We visited a frozen car that was in a freezer and we had to wear blankets to get in. M wanted to go Downtown shopping, big mistake, the people were 20 deep everywhere we went. Macy's should be very happy. I have yet another staph infection in the usual spot, so it's off to the emergency room tommorrow when we get to Sacramento. This is the 3rd major infection I have had in 29 weeks. All is well and bye for now.

Thursday, November 22nd 196/336 Shot #29

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Wednesday, November 21st 195/336

Great day all in all. Starbucks, walk to the river etc. M's teacher said she would fail her if she went to NYC unless she had a note from a doctor or her employer. Being as she has her real estate license under my brokers license, I had to write a note saying that her attendance is a condition of her employment. We'' see how that flies. Off to SF. All is well and bye for now.

Wild Turkeys near my house in Carmichael. Photo Credit Lezlie Sterling

Tuesday, November 20th 194/336

Another happy day in the neighborhood. I woke up feeling groovy and the rest of the day went well. Starbuck's, dog to the park etc. I took M to downtown Sacramento for lunch at Thai Basil and then we went to Sac State to pay M's winter break tuition. Can you believe it, she is taking a full credit class over the holidays that's done in 3 weeks. It is called "Drugs and Behavior". Maybe she can learn about what Interferon and Rebetol do to a person's brain and how it affects one's behavior and thinking. Come to think of it, you have to experience these meds in order to understand what they do and how they make you feel. As hard as people try, you have to live it to understand the effects. For me, it's doable but I would rather have skipped it. I'll do it again if I have too, but hopefully, the first time is the charm. M and I are going to NYC and we're very excited as we get to meet many of my treatment friends. This is one of the nice things about tx, I have received a great deal of support and advice from these people. UC, in demanding I treat and Teastar showing me the way. All is well and bye for now.

The Nile, 2004

Monday,November 19th 193/336

I woke up at 5:00am and I couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to take a sleeping pill, have breakfast, and take 3 Ribavirens. Wrong, big mistake, M came in at 10:30 and asked, "what kind of behavior is this?". Upsidaisy, read the paper, do the crossword, get dressed and take the dog on walk to the river. Came home and went to Les Schwab and had my tire fixed. I love Les Schwab, never a charge to fix your tires.

We're off to SF on Wednesday for Thanksgiving. M, TVB, JVB, my daughter and my 2 grandsons are having dinner at 2:45 at Millenium Vegetarian restraunt. I'm not to sure how that will go with my daughter as she is strictly carniverous.

Today was a good day in the land of tx, i just can't believe how long it takes, 48 weeks is forever. Some people go 72 weeks, poor babies. My Sac State drawing teacher is back from China, she had a major installation at the center court of the new opera house in Goungchow(Think Canton). She has an MA from Sac State and an MBA from Stanford. She has 1000 paintings she's made and she needs some galleries torepresent her. http://www.brenda-louie.net

All is well and bye for now

Moscow

Sunday, November 18th 192/336

Woke up this morning feeling groovy. TVB and I went to Starbucks and I got money from the ATM as miss M cleaned me out. I went to get my tire fixed but they were closed. I can never figure out why some businesses close on Sunday as they pay the rent everyday. Went shopping for groceries and then came home and took a little nap, shower and dinner. M came home from the hot springs and said she froze her ass off camping. I don't like the hot springs too much. If you ever wonder where all the hippy acid heads from the 60's disappeared to I have the answer.

Although all central Oregon communities have undergone rapid changes, none has been more profoundly affected by the new times than the tiny ranching town of Antelope. In June 1981, followers of Indian guru Bhagwan Shree Rashneesh purchased the 64,000 acre Big Muddy Ranch near Antelope for $5.7 million, establishing a community they called Rashneeshpuram. The Rashneeshees, as they were known, gained control of the Antelope City Council in 1984 and changed the name of Antelope to Rashneesh. In August 1984, the sect began bussing homeless people from other U.S. cities to Rashneeshpuram, and registering them as Wasco County voters. After a series of bizarre incidents including an alleged attempt to poison residents of The Dalles, the Bhagwan and some of his followers fled to North Carolina. There he was arrested on charges of immigration fraud and was brought back to Oregon for trial. He was convicted, fined $400,000, and deported from the United States. The faithful accompanied the Bhagwan back to Pune, India, the homeless drifted away, the ranch was sold to new owners, and life eventually returned to normal in Antelope, which got its old name back in 1986.

Many of them now live at Harbin Hot Springs, about 200 of them. A motley crew totally detached from any concrete reality.

All is well and bye for now.

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Saturday, November 17th 191/336

I don't have much trouble sleeping on these meds. Slept 10 hours last night and then an under the covers nap from 12 to 3. The problem is, when I wake up, I'm still tired, how can this be? M and her friends went to the hot springs for an over night and they are sleeping outside as there are no more rooms available. Good luck. I'm very proud of M, she has been accepted at Columbia in NYC without applying. Phi Beta Kappa is enough. She'll stay at Sac state till she graduates. Me, I need to re-focus as I need this need tx to be over and I have such a long way to go. All this and I might relapse when it's finished. I didn't have much of a choice and I still don't. A friend said, "It takes courage to start tx, strength to continue and perseverence to finish. I'm running short on strength so I guess I have to persevere. All is well and bye for now.

Sail Boats from the South Tower of the Golden Gate Bridge, 2000

Friday, November 16th 190/336

Today I caught a little break, Peg & and Riba gave me a "no nap day". I did alot of Christmas shopping on line and ordered Christmas cards. M took the dog to get his teeth cleaned this morning and I picked him up at 3:00. Another $200.00. I'm thinking of doing a painting for my 9 month old grand daughter, It will have a flying Dumbo elephant, a giraffe pealing around the side of the painting and a frog peeking up from the bottom, trees, hills, flowers and a river. Now, all I have to do is get motivated and find enough concentration to start. Concentration is critical and I ain't got it. M and some of her friends are going to the hot springs tomorrow, and staying overnight, so I'll have a lot of time on my hands. All is well and bye for now.

Thursday, November 15th 189/336 Shot #28

Today was nice. The usual fatigue etc. This morning Magda announced that I was really irritating her lately. I can understand fully,I'm irritating me too. I have been feeling like my brains are in a blender and sometimes I'm not sure what's real and unreal and where I'm at in my life. I feel as though I've been in this twilight zone forever. Boredom is my biggest problem and it results from the unrelenting fatigue. The other problem I'm having is that I can't seem to filter the crap that comes out of my mouth as I can't distinguish between what's appropriate and what's not. This may result in my having to keep my mouth shut. I don't want to isolate but it might happen anyway. As you can probably tell, I'm feeling a little nuts.

M went to the drive-thru car wash and got claustraphobic and set of all the alarms when she left too soon. She had to get the attendant to accompany her through a second time. Oh well, at least the car is clean. All is well and bye for now.

Candied Apples, 2000

Wednesday, Novemeber 14th 188/336

The hits keep coming during week 27. So far, bad weeks have been 8,9,13,19 & 27. Spent most of the day on the couch, tx sides plus a sprained back have slowed me down once again. How people work on this crap is beyond me.

I'm getting ready for our trip to NYC, arrive 12/01, leave 12/06. We stay in a loft apartment 0n W 36th between 6&7. The loft is owned by Nigel and Jackie and they stay in my SF loft when they come to town. We came up with the exchange a few years ago on Craig's List and it's worked out very nicely. It should be a lot of fun as I love being there. UC, if you can make it, we can offer you a place to stay.

All is well and bye for now.

Waiting, 1998

Tuesday, November 13th 187/336

Things are much better today, Got up at 8:00 and M and i and David went to Il Fornio for breakfast. We all 3 had French toast. After that, we went to the loft and packed up and headed home to Sacramento. M drove to Fairfield and then I drove the rest of the way to Carmichael.

Yesterday was very intense, the interferon decided to pegulate and it knocked me on my ass. It even lowered my seratonin so that I became depressed while on 40 mgs of Prozac. I didn't care if I woke up today or not. Yesterday was the first time in 186 days that I entered the dark side. Well today is another day and I'm back to being little miss sunshine.

Last night, M and I went to a benefit for the "Orphans of Rwanda". it was very good and I learned alot more about my favorite charity. http://www.orphansofrwanda.org/

All is well and bye for now

48 Beach Chairs, 2006

Monday, November 12th 186/336

Well, well, well, only 150 days to go, isn't that something to look forward to. I have been hiding behind, "That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". Well, today I added a new little twist to it, "That which kills you, kills you"

I went to Peet's with M for coffee and then I had lunch with Ainslee and Ann, lots of fun. I came home and M had thoroughly cleaned and dusted the whole apartment. Off we went to MOMA and I got knocked silly with tx sickness. Sick as a dog! Take me home. This was the way I had expected to feel when I started tx not 27 weeks in on a Monday. Couldn't have felt any worse. When I get sick I don't like to talk to people because I'm sick and it's such an effort to make a sentence. Unfortunately, people feel I don't want to talk to them so they talk more which makes it harder yet. Oh well, such is life on Interferon and Rebetol. I don't know how my friend TeaStarWitch has gone 69 weeks on this crap, I feel like I have radiation sickness. I'm starting to feel better so I'm going to give the lecture for the "Orphans of Rawanda" a try. Things are looking up and bye for now.

The newly cleaned loft