Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Tuesday, December 25th 229/336
Here it is Christmas day and things are looking up. Several friends and acquaintances have let it be known that I am losing it. What they don’t understand is that they won’t get any argument from me. I know it better than they do. Saint M came to my rescue this morning and drove me home, I don’t know how she puts up with me. I think I need to go into med psych next week and see about changing my meds as things are messed up in my head. The second 24 weeks have been really challenging as I am getting sicker and nuttier by the day. We have a dozen people coming in 1/2 and hour, so I’ll wish everyone well and thank you to all who have stayed by my side through My Hep C Adventure. And yes, we are working on getting M to reconsider writing her blog.
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9 comments:
Boxing day here and it's all over except for the shouting...... that's it finito.... untill the next time.... Terry reading back through your diary you sound familiar, like almost reading my own head from a year ago, should I bother with a blog when I already got one?
Try and remember this one important thing.... the spectators always see more than the players......
The number of times during my early weeks of treatment when I knew better, when I could see things that were'nt there, I had this ability to read into things all the wrong way. It was a harrowing time indeed, when one has to question ones own judgement it becomes dangerous as mistakes can be made with terrible consequences.
There is of course a remedy for this mayhem but I like most men wouldn't or couldn't accept it. I knew better my mind was stronger, yea like hell it was. These meds are mind altering and not in a way that I was used to, having dabbled with many drugs in the past, I knew it all. This drug works differently, silently and with stealth. It's side effects are awesome, in retrospect and with hindsight one needs to handle with care and take he advice of others that are grounded, I nearly lost the most precious thing I have ever had in my life because of my mind state.
There is a saying that you learn from your mistakes which is good but would it not be better to learn from others people mistake, that way we can learn without the repercussions.
If you like let me know and I'll call you on the phone. I'll let you learn from my mistakes and get you through this torment we have to put up with albeit temporarily.
Keep on going Terry... I have seen the worse consequences of this virus and it is not pretty.
T & M.....I am thinking of you both here..I know from first hand experience just how these meds mess with you...It was the hardest thing I ever done to help jb thru tx...well hard before he admitted he needed help from anti`ds...I talk to so many Terry that refuse the a/ds and the ones that take them quess which ones stay the course intact with their loved ones around them...
Jb and I still talk with horror at how he behaved on tx...now he is meds free we can talk and he realises just how he was, part of he knew just like you on tx he was this way but then the feelings he was right soon come back....
I know we can help you both thru this...as I know one day you will be helping others in you situation when the time comes.....Terry reach it its a special man that can do that, don`t be like jb and nearly lose the most precious thing in your life.....CXX
Hi, glad to read you're going to get some help. Things haven't been 'groovey' in a few weeks, but they can be again, once you're on the proper anti-d. You'll get through this, and Chrissy is right - once you're done your treatment, you'll be able to recognize signs of distress in others and help them get through it. Take care, we'll all work on Magda resuming her blog next.
Thanks so much to you all, having been there, you know what this stuff can do to you. I called my treatment team this morning and left them a message that I would like to have my mental state assessed and perhaps change from the prozac to another drug. I like the "the spectators always see more than the players......" Statement, so true. I remember reading JB's posts when he was on treatment and I was just scratching my head when I read what he was writing. Now the tables are turned and JB is the voice of reason and I am the insaniac. Thanks JB, Chrissy and UC. You guys are my angels!
Having an extremely hard time with treatment is not unusual esp for those doing 48 weeks. It just gets very tiring and one wants it to be done. One of the comments said about loosing the most precious thing to you and I assume that is your life. So heed and do not fool around with the mentals that come with this stuff.
Next week you will feel groovy again it is all part of the tx. However still follow through on changing or going up on dosage of anti's. because every time the dark hits it comes harder.
Take care of yourself above all else.
My life is not in danger. It's my relationship that is being damaged. I'm feeling very crazy and M can only take so much.
Hi Terry ... me an angel? Nah.... jst a man that's been through the hoops of treatment and has some insight on what things can "seem" like when on the wonderful mix of interferon/ribaviren. From what I have gathered and noticed from observing or talking to people on treatment with anti-depressant support , prozac does not seem to fair well. I don't know any reason for this. I was prescribed prozac some years ago for depression and just didn't like them and it's only with hindsight that I think in a way they were bringing me down. I do believe prozac can have this effect and indeed can lead some to the dangers of suicidal thoughts. That's a road no one needs to be shown whilst on treatment. I did like citralapram when I was on TX and also it was easier to chop the tablets, a 10mg tablet chopped in half gives me a 5mg tablet and as it is very dose sensitive it gives some room for fine tuning your dose and when you're done with TX it can help to come off them by reducing gradually.
Anti-depressants are hard to get the right one for the right person it does seem to take some "experimantation" which is what we don't really want. Another drug I have heard about but only know of 1 person so far that used it is venlaflaxine I did request it as it is supposed to work best on rgaes but not good for the heart so it was ruled out for me. I do hope you find the right drug or dose before your tx draws on much further.
It was not my life I was refering to but my love, my dearest most precious Chrissy.... without her I would not be here now ......
Terry, I'm sorry you are going through that crazyness, but it's a normal thing. At least you are not bitting up people in the streets (unlike me). It will be some bad days and some good days. Just hang in there.
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