Today is much better than the last 4 days have been. I woke up feeeling pretty good indeed. Mentally, I have a little trouble distinguishing between what is real and what is not as in when people joke with me. I don't know if they are kidding or if they are serious. I also have to be very careful about what I say as this stuff is a little like truth serum. I really have to filter what comes out out of my mouth so as not to hurt peoples' feelings.
This is a painting I copied from Christopher Brown and I refer to this as the painting that showed me how to paint. Mixing colors, brush strokes etc. His original is much better than mine, but this painting served it's purpose in showing me the way.
Sailors on Deck, After Christopher Brown
3 comments:
OMG, T - I know exactly what you mean about the meds being like truth serum and having to be careful. For me, I'm thinking it's a blossoming lack of impulse control. I think everyone might have thoughts about things but something in them allows them to stop and consider whether it is kind or helpful to say. You see this is many adhd kids - something in their brain chemistry doesn't allow them that middle stage of considering before acting or saying something. They think, then IMMEDIATELY act or speak whatevers on their mind. So I'm guessing it all has to do w/the way these meds are screwing w/our brain chemistry. Lately, I've been doing what I call 'spontaneous spewing', then feel horrified and apologize a few minutes later....much too much :-/ More than anything, I wish I could get that part under control. Xanax helps, but HECK, you can't take it every day for 48 weeks!!!!
Yes, you're getting to that stage, we all get to it - it's only been recently - almost 11 weeks post treatment - that I've been able to control what comes out of my mouth. I didn't call it rage (too proud for that), but for a while I was the only one in the entire world who knew what was going on! For me, it was all part of one long manic episode (which was very unusal for me, having never been manic or a whizzy) that included laughing at sad news (then making sick jokes about the sad news to cover up how inappropriate my reactions were), the inability to walk away from a fight...and oh yes, the mind reading skills - hope you get the mind reading skills!
Hi UC, as for the mind reading skills, I was in the other room the other day and I told Magda that I thought she was on the computer looking at shoes. She said, how did you know? I said, I just knew. She asked, what color are they? and I said blue. She asked, how did you know? and I said, I just knew.
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